Respect for women is the hallmark of a civilized society. A woman is not just a being; she is a mother, a nurturer, and above all the pivotal force for the whole family. Indian ancient text Manusmriti puts woman on the highest pedestal, where she is described as the reason for the god’s presence in any household.
“Yatra naryastu pujyante ramante tatra devata”
— Manusmriti.
“Where women are honored, there blossoms the Divinity “.
But unfortunately, the women whose respect makes the Gods happy are the same who sometimes harbor animosity towards other women.
There have been instances where women undermine, compete with, or are even unkind to one another. This phenomenon spans various relationships, at work among female co-workers, at home between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law, mothers and daughters, and sometimes among sisters also.
This strange picture of personality and relationship is almost the same all over the world. To understand its intricacy, it is important to know the cultural influence and thought process behind it. Come, let us explore this simple but seemingly complex world.
Psychological Factors behind the Animosity
Psychologically, any hostile behavior often stems from insecurity or societal pressure, and sometimes both.
Social comparison theory says that people measure their value, in society and in their minds by comparing themselves to others. Similarly when a woman perceive another woman as a threat to her achievements, relationships, or social standing, she sometimes hides behind jealousy or openly show animosity as par her power or position.
Cultural Upbringing and Its Role
Cultural norms also play a crucial role in the development of hatred between the same genders in our society. Especially in Middle Eastern cultures, the upbringing of women, has taught them to secure their existence in the family. From childhood, mothers often harshly scrutinize their daughter’s behavior and restrict their interactions.
The fear of social judgment, makes the reputation and honor of the family, paramount for women, and they start seeing each other as rivals rather than allies.
This mindset triggers sibling rivalries, even among sisters that contribute to the acceptance of favoritism and comparisons, finally persisting into adulthood in lifestyle, career, and relationships.
The Gender-Biased Upbringing
Gender-based prejudice also reinforces the notion that women must compete for limited resources, attention, and respect. The roots of these behaviors are often traced back to childhood. Girls are frequently taught to seek validation for everything they do, creating an internalized belief that another woman’s success can diminishes their own.
Later on in life, it shows up as the attitude to bully those who are weaker than them as a biased attitude faced in childhood by her mother or elders in the family, gets ingrained in the belief system that normalizes the suppression or exploitation of women.
Moreover, repeatedly listening to ambiguous stuff like “You are a diamond and the diamond is kept locked in a safe” can destroy the confidence in the little girls and they accept that women’s value is tied to beauty, youth, or marital status.
Global Contribution to Women’s Upbringing
These gender biased practices are not limited to just one region but their roots are spread all over the world.
• In Japan, traditionally a woman is expected to be submissive and must prioritize family over career. This usually creates rifts between stay-at-home mothers and working women, each looking down on the other for neglecting societal roles.
• In the United States, pitting women against each other has become a social norm in social media and in reality TV shows. Now with time women also consider catfights and petty rivalries as glorification of women’s strength.
• In African cultures, polygamous settings can foster jealousy and hostility among co-wives, as they vie for a husband’s affection and resources– their only way to sustain their existence.
• In Western Europe, while gender equality is emphasized, workplace competition and the struggle for leadership roles can still strain female relationships.
Bullying Female Co-Workers
In workplaces, women may also compete for limited leadership roles to establish themselves. Resorting to workplace bullying to consider oneself superior to others and the quest to maintain the uncrowned “queen bee” status creates an unnecessary competitive vicious cycle among female colleagues.
Family Dynamics: The Real Power Play
Almost in every corner of the globe the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is the most discussed topic. And the amazing thing is that what seems right as a daughter-in-law turns out to be wrong on becoming a mother-in-law. The desire to influence, organize and navigate the lives of the weaker in the relationship sows the seeds of discord from the outset.
Often Mothers-in-law (thanks to the biased upbringing) feel threatened by the arrival of a daughter-in-law, fearing a loss of authority within the family. They often try to over-power their daughter-in-law by comparing them with herself or with other women. After marriage, even the unfilial son becomes versatile because if she accepts that her son is wrong or guilty, then it will prove that she is not a good mother herself, and fears being seen as a complete failure who has no right to dictate anyone
This tension often results in power struggles, where in most cases the older woman asserts dominance over the younger one.
The “Other Woman”
Perhaps the most infamous manifestation of animosity among women is seen in cases of infidelity, where the “other woman” is vilified. Although anger should be directed at the unfaithful partner, irrespective of gender, social narratives disproportionately blame the “other woman”. Interestingly, in this whole pursuit, the women are the main ones to blame the “other woman”. Society has always been lenient towards the unfaithful man and forgives him easily but calls the woman a home wrecker.
This shows the duality of the society that emphasizes women’s responsibility to uphold moral standards while excusing men’s indiscretions.
Breaking the Cycle: Towards Solidarity and Empowerment
It is high time that women reconcile their animosity towards each other so that it is possible to break this cycle. This requires a mindset shift and education.
To Promote Sisterhood:
In today’s time of free information, women should develop it themselves if they have not inherited a positive attitude from their parents. The women who work, study or live together, should see each other as allies instead of rivals.
Addressing Gender Bias:
It would be good to practice gender-neutral parenting and empathy with your children. Start promoting unbiased parenting in your close friend circle. Along with incorporating cooperative values in both boys and girls, so that the next generations will remain safe from this curse.
Challenge Media Narratives:
Criticize the negative portrayal of women in the media. Glorifying the supportive and strong women will help you recognize your own worth.
Meditation Programs to Promote Emotional Intelligence:
Learning to manage problems like envy and insecurity with the help of meditation and celebrating others’ successes will create healthier relationships.
Conclusion: From Animosity to Empowerment
Animosity between women was never a natural trait but has become a part of their personality over time due to various psychological, cultural, and social factors. Understanding and addressing these factors is important for strong and supportive relationships among women.
As a society we must encourage women to focus on individual achievements, fostering a healthier competitive spirit rather than draining energy on petty things and trivial matters.
When women start celebrating each other, the rivalry will automatically transform into solidarity, and will be easy to create a world where women inspire, uplift and thrive together and are there for each other. Only after this, they become the women whose pleasing presence and lively laughter will compel Gods to reside in their houses, marking the true meaning of women’s empowerment.
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